Thursday, July 04 2002, 11:18

This will be the first Fourth of July where you can wear a U.S. flag shirt without everyone thinking you're a big dork.

The best part about MTV's new "Soriority Life" series is that you have to pound a few beers before the girls start to look even remotely attractive ... it's just like being back in college!

Let's face it: You can separate the world into two groups of people: the ones who heard about that Mets pitcher having an anxiety attack/seizure from smoking marijuana and said, "Man, what an idiot!", and the people who heard about it and said, "Man, that must have been some gooooooooooooood s---."

You know, the U.S. Senior Open would be much more exciting to watch if they prohibited the competitors from peeing until they finished a round.

Were the folks in the Yankees front office just sitting around saying to themselves, "We need an overpaid right fielder, someone with declining skills, someone who never plays for winning teams, someone who could potentially infect our clubhouse like the ebola virus ... could somebody call the Blue Jays and see if Raul Mondesi is available?"

Finally, every World Cup game involving the United States should have been preceded by a taped announcement from President Bush: "These are not our best athletes! Our best athletes play basketball, baseball and football. Again, these are not our best athletes. If we ever steered guys like Allen Iverson and Randy Moss toward a soccer field, you guys would be dead meat! Hear me? Dead meat!"

(The Sports Guy - ESPN.com)

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Caesar's Commentary